A Love Letter To Writing - Why I Write

I recently read somewhere that you know you're meant to be an artist if you would still do it if nobody were watching. Truthfully I would write till the day I die, even if nobody ever read it. I think it was put in my bones before I knew how to speak. The only way I can explain it is that I had no choice but to partake. I am not sure if there is a higher power, I kind of have to believe it to sleep at night. But it’s like writing was put there by this higher power whether I liked it or not. But I do like it. I am grateful for it. Writing saved my life more times than I could count. It feels like writing does the same thing for me that I do for it. 

So when I get asked why I write, I never know what to say. I normally say something like “I don’t know, it just feels right and I want to.” By this I mean; I have indulged in lyrics since I was a kid. I would sing ‘You Belong With Me’ by Taylor Swift at the age of 8 about my crush. On car trips, I would listen to ‘A Drop In The Ocean' by Ron Pope (something my parents had downloaded) on an iPod with headphones in. I would stare out the window like a kid who was going through something. I was not, I was just amazed at how someone could create a song so deep and sad. I would watch how my parents reacted to their favourite songs, I would listen to them tell me the memory associated with it. I would secretly learn rap lyrics with my older sister. My mum ended up finding out and we had to make some slight adjustments, such as B**ch was now pronounced Witch. 

The other day I was going through some old boxes in the closet. I found some writing I did at the age of 6. I don’t even remember writing then. My first memory of writing was after I moved to a new school at the age of 10. The new school was much bigger than my old school. So it had access to more books and computers. I indulged in these resources, I would write millions of stories on Google Docs about made-up kids my age. I already had a bigger picture and thought, each story could be made into a series that all connected. Like a true storyteller, I wondered why other kids my age didn’t care about details connecting in stories like I did. (Who was I? An undiagnosed control freak disguised as a judgmental diva, exactly). At the start of high school, I thought I was too cool for it all. Stopped reading and writing all together. Until I picked up a journal when I needed it the most, and I have never put it down again. I was writing fiction novels that were coming of age. Then I wrote song lyrics (they were terrible). Then I found poetry at the age of 17 and haven’t been the same since. It is so strange because as a kid we are barely conscious, but I chose to spend my time writing. Like it was put there by a higher power, and I had no choice but to contribute.

We all know Mark Twain’s famous quote; “find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never work a day in your life.” Although I would write forever even if I never got paid a cent. This blog for example takes $40 out of my account each month while making no money. I tell myself people pay way more for other hobbies. So you could say in the finance world I am losing money. And said by a person with money anxiety; I do not care, it feels like an investment to my life of art. It’s unexplainable that I would indulge in such carelessness with finances, because I do understand the value of a dollar. I just care about writing more. 

I was recently listening to the podcast called ‘Fashion Neurosis with Bella Freud.’ Bella Freud had the Fashion Designer Rick Owens on the podcast, and he said something that has stuck with me. Owens said; that he had ideas in his head that hadn’t been created yet and he wanted to make them. Like Owens (I know we don’t compare but,) I have so many ideas that are something new to add to the writing space and world. I want to share my voice and my vision. So I can put my art into the world. Not for anyone else but just for me. In Lorde’s song ‘Still Sane’ she sings 'I am little but I am coming for the title held by everyone that is up.’ I don’t mean to sound naive. I am aware I have lots to learn. If I could, I would love to sit with many great writers and ask them millions of questions. Get every ounce of wisdom they are willing to offer. I know my best writing is still yet to come with age. I just mean I want to be in this space, I want to create writing with inspiring creative genius. When I inevitably get to the end, I want to know I gave everything I have to offer to writing. That is enough for me, even if nobody reads it, even if I never get paid, even if the world ends. I know I put my art (me) into the world and that is enough. So that is why I write, as for why I am obsessed with words, I am not sure. It just came with my existence, maybe it means something, maybe it means nothing at all. Either way, it keeps me sane. I guess that’s the whole point.

Note: Yes, I will be sending this link to anybody that asks me why I write from now on.